The Tales of Lieutenants Ruth “Squid” Lovecrafted and Jess “Banshee” Toasty of the Battlestar Galactica. Or the Colonial Fleet. Or the Battlestar Gacraftica. Or the Colonial Tweet.

As we well know, off-duty pilots don’t always make the best decisions about how to spend their free time. Some of them get into fights with superior officers, some get their rocks off with prostitutes on Cloud 9, and some hare off and join wackadoodle monotheistic cults. Some even fly ships into suns.

Squid and Banshee are not that kind of pilot.

Those who are more goofball than hero never get enough attention, and so, as a corrective measure, we are going off duty with Squid and Banshee, two pilots with delusions of competency and a wealth of silliness, as they wander around the Battlestar Galactica wearing their fancy double tanks.

Gee, Banshee, how do you think we’re supposed to fly these tiny things?

Drink more. That’s how. Or… wait, no, those can’t be right. are you sure this is the hangar deck?

Oh wait, this is one of those models for the tourists. I knew we shouldn’t have left the gift store in the hangar deck.

But LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

What’s a girl gotta do to get one of those?

Normally I’d say ‘bend over,’ but that doesn’t seem either very nice or very practical. So really, you steal from the fridge behind the counter.

Didn’t find any beer. Did find this weird sonic-y thing. I wonder what happens if I point it at stuff.

…my pants just unbuttoned. What the frak?

Oh excellent.

HEY!

Hang on, more important matters. I think I just saw something.

You have found something that trumps beer and undone pants? This I gotta see.

Waiiit for it.

OMG. I found this tiny octo-monster thing. But it’s also a Cylon. Do you think I could keep it as a pet or a mascot or something?

It’s a frakking toaster. We kill frakking toasters.

The little frakker took my shades!

I will hurt you, you little punk-ass cylapus or whatever you are.

Give. Them. BACK.

Solid. How you like being upside-down? Huh? Huh? You DON’T.

Next time, Squid, I say we handle them this way. I’m keeping my frakking shades.

So now…about those pants.

Right on.

—

A quick note on where we got the double-tanks and sizing. We got them from ANOVOS. Mine’s (Ruth/Squid) a Small, which fits well but hangs a bit baggy on my 36″ chest, 27″ waist (which I’m fine with, because I was worried it’d be painted on). Jess is very slightly bigger (37.5″ chest in a sports bra), and her Medium is bigger than she was hoping for. It does, however, fit across the shoulders, and may fit better through the trunk with a little tailoring. So if you’re planning to order, keep in mind they run a bit larger than you might expect for a woman. The sizing chart told me that I was a Small, and while I wasn’t sure whether to believe it, it was right.